With the festive season upon us, many people get into the wrong “spirit” of things.

The main culprits being drugs and alcohol.


The result of careless behaviour is not considered – our minds are focussed on having a good time, letting our hair down and pushing our boundaries. We are no longer children and we resent being told what we should NOT do. We feel we are no longer accountable to our parents and “we will show them our SELF-WILL” even if it kills us – an attitude we are all getting familiar with.

But what does “having a good time” really mean? At the end of the festivities last year, the casualties of self-indulgence showed some grim details.

This made me look at why TEENAGERS think we can push the boundaries. I mean, if we look at how some ADULTS behave at this time, surely our misdemeanors are small by comparison? We are only trying out stuff. We have no intention of getting drunk or taking drugs every day! (At least that’s what we tell ourselves.)

We do not want the responsibility of keeping an eye on our siblings (that’s the parent’s job, right?) We have finished school for the year and we deserve a break from teachers and parents. We don’t need education in December, the books are closed and we are going to have a good time, make new friends and hang out till late. If we are really lucky, we may just meet up with someone cute and indulge in a bit of holiday romance – ACTUALLY, THIS IS REALLY THE ONLY THING GIRLS WANT. The kind of holiday romance which novels are written about.

Come January next year, the price teens paid for all this festive indulgence paints a different picture.


For teenagers the reality is a stark contrast to what we intended.

It is at this time that more DATE RAPES are reported.



More DRUG addictions (you can get hooked on some drugs by trying it only once, beware!)

More GENDER VIOLENCE (between lovers, couples, friends and even strangers)

More EXPLOITATION (boys experimenting with unsuspecting or gullible girls)

More ONE-NIGHT STANDS (spoiling the rest of the holiday for these girls when they discover they were just being used and thereafter avoided)

More reckless and DRUNK DRIVING (because some guys are immature and want to show off)

More ACCIDENTS happen because of sheer stupidity. Dare-devilling, taking careless chances or showing off, produces a fair amount of casualties – think of train-surfing.

More HUMAN TRAFFICKING as our vulnerable and gullible girls are snatched out of society and drugged and groomed into prostitution.  A life of slavery where there is no escape even if you are rescued, because the addiction to drugs becomes a lifetime of slavery and struggle.  Human trafficking is the cruellest form of abuse. It demeans our girls and enslaves them in the most barbaric way, to make money for the slave masters. Girls are always lured into this with promises of money or jobs in fancy hotels – which never materialize. Others are simply abducted, drugged and raped before being sold on to a brothel.

AS TEENAGERS, WHEN WE MAKE MISTAKES, WE ARE QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT ADULTS MAKE WORSE MISTAKES.  We do not acknowledge that the consequences of our mistakes have the same impact and the same results as those made by adults. Do we expect the consequences to be less devastating because we are younger? Do we think the heartache will be less because of our age?

Trying to justify our actions by shifting the blame on our parent’s mistakes is a cop-out. It does not exempt us from our responsibility to be more careful, choose better friends, stay away from bad influences and to stay SOBER and ALERT!

We know these things are happening. Why then do we think that it cannot happen to us – and when it does, we live with regret. Regret is real and powerful – BUT IT CANNOT CHANGE ANYTHING.

If you are going to have a drink or two, please make sure your drink is opened and poured in front of you and do not take your eyes off your glass. Make sure you sip your drink instead of gulping it so that you do not consume more drinks than you intended.  Drink a full glass of water between drinks, this will help you stay sober and hydrate your liver and kidneys as both these organs suffer when alcohol is consumed. Do not get into a car if the driver is drunk even if it is your boyfriend. Find an alternative way to get home. Remember that car accidents do not only claim lives – they can maim and cripple – which is often worse than death.

The truth about teenagers is that we want freedom without restraint – without responsibilities.

That is not possible. If we do not set our own boundaries, someone will see it as an opportunity to exploit us.

Girls, keep this post in mind during this season and take responsibility for yourself.

The girl who sent us this picture named it….  “Don’t be a daft Giraffe !” Hahahaha

Faithfully your friend,







It is crucial to find facts before acting on your emotions.


When emotions run high, a lack of facts will add fuel to that fire. If your boyfriend (or Babe/Bae) is a highly strung fellow or a guy who has a temper, or a guy who beats up people, YOU need to open your eyes wide and get some facts before taking the relationship further. If you don’t, you may face some nasty consequences. So let’s talk about getting facts. How do you go about it?


One answer is to become streetwise BEFORE you decide to have a relationship. Check the guy out properly before you agree to be his ‘Bae’. Dating someone a few times is the ideal time to get to know his character – never mind how he makes you feel when he looks at you with those friendly eyes.

Don’t fall in love with a pair of eyes and make the fatal mistake of marrying the whole man! It is the whole man you want to check out. His nature, his character, who is he behind the eyes. He could be a murderer and by studying his eyes you will not know of a dark mind behind them.

YOUR FACT-FINDING MISSION NEEDS TO BE LASER SHARP. These are some of the things you want to know – because it is just a matter of time before he does that to you.

1) Does he tell lies to others?

(It is just a matter of time before he lies to you.)

2) Is he rude or abrupt to his siblings? (It is just a matter of time…..)

3) Is he careless about friends and friendships?

(Does he manipulate or humiliate them in front of others?)

4) Does he talk ill of some of his friends?

5) Does he care about his parents? How does he treat them?

6) Does he get drunk or violent? Is he quick with his fists?

7) Does he take drugs (any type of)?

Smoking weed is not “innocent” it is a drug and often leads to taking stronger drugs.

8) Does he get heavy handed with you such as pushing, shoving or slapping your bottom hard? This does NOT mean he has a crush on you. This means he is a potential bully.

9) Is he kind to animals? Is he kind to children? Is he compassionate?

10) Has he ever cheated in exams, cheated on a girl or stolen something?

You get the picture? ASK QUESTIONS.

Now go and make your own list based on what is important to you as a girl and frame your fact-finding mission around those questions. (You don’t want to make it sound like an interrogation of course, but you can do it subtly – make it sound like part of a conversation).

The point is, you want to get past seeing the ‘eyes’ and find the human or the INHUMANE inside of the guy. You want to know if this is relationship material or not. If he is “NOT” then don’t make yourself available to this person. Cut the cord and get away from him. Don’t be afraid of being lonely or heart-sore for a while. It will save you being abused and beaten for months or years ahead.

This is a long read, I know – but you need to learn how to avoid GBV. (There is no real help coming soon – see lower down).

Take care girlfriends, not all guys are Angels  – and frogs do not turn into Princes.

Wait for the right guy, he is usually that one in a thousand. Understand this, you do not have to suffer through 999 guys. Ask the right questions on the first two occasions and bow out if you know he is not for you. Do not hang out with him in the hope of finding some good in him. It will do you no good.

Faithfully your friend,



1) Violence against women is firmly entrenched in South Africa, and it does not appear to be changing. Rather, violence has become an accepted way to assert and reassert masculinity and dominance.

2) Civil Society Organisations:- have a duty to see to it that legislation and policies on violence against women are enforced. They are supposed to engage with men on the issue of masculinity, misguided cultural and religious beliefs and practices. They are to condemn government leaders who speak and act in ways that enforce gender inequality and the marginalization of women.

3) They, in turn, blame the Government, saying; “This requires a strong, united, multi-level response from both government together with civil society organisations.”

4) So while one seems to wait on the other and no one is moving, nothing is happening. If we as teens refuse to take charge of what happens to us, we will simply become another statistic.

5) So, while women are hoping that someone is busy doing something about Gender-based violence (GBV) it appears that there is no one watching your back after all. Women will continue to suffer as a result.

6) Many civil society organisations have become over-reliant on government funding for their programming. This is particularly the case because government has outsourced much of its violence against women service responses. Such reliance on government inhibits the ability of civil society organisations to be critical of the same government. Government does not oversee the work done, therefore no one is held accountable for specific programs or outcomes. (Info from GBV sites).