It is crucial to find facts before acting on your emotions.
IN GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE, THE SAME PRINCIPLE APPLIES
When emotions run high, a lack of facts will add fuel to that fire. If your boyfriend (or Babe/Bae) is a highly strung fellow or a guy who has a temper, or a guy who beats up people, YOU need to open your eyes wide and get some facts before taking the relationship further. If you don’t, you may face some nasty consequences. So let’s talk about getting facts. How do you go about it?
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO AVOID GBV IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP?
One answer is to become streetwise BEFORE you decide to have a relationship. Check the guy out properly before you agree to be his ‘Bae’. Dating someone a few times is the ideal time to get to know his character – never mind how he makes you feel when he looks at you with those friendly eyes.
Don’t fall in love with a pair of eyes and make the fatal mistake of marrying the whole man! It is the whole man you want to check out. His nature, his character, who is he behind the eyes. He could be a murderer and by studying his eyes you will not know of a dark mind behind them.
YOUR FACT-FINDING MISSION NEEDS TO BE LASER SHARP. These are some of the things you want to know – because it is just a matter of time before he does that to you.
1) Does he tell lies to others?
(It is just a matter of time before he lies to you.)
2) Is he rude or abrupt to his siblings? (It is just a matter of time…..)
3) Is he careless about friends and friendships?
(Does he manipulate or humiliate them in front of others?)
4) Does he talk ill of some of his friends?
5) Does he care about his parents? How does he treat them?
6) Does he get drunk or violent? Is he quick with his fists?
7) Does he take drugs (any type of)?
Smoking weed is not “innocent” it is a drug and often leads to taking stronger drugs.
8) Does he get heavy handed with you such as pushing, shoving or slapping your bottom hard? This does NOT mean he has a crush on you. This means he is a potential bully.
9) Is he kind to animals? Is he kind to children? Is he compassionate?
10) Has he ever cheated in exams, cheated on a girl or stolen something?
You get the picture? ASK QUESTIONS.
Now go and make your own list based on what is important to you as a girl and frame your fact-finding mission around those questions. (You don’t want to make it sound like an interrogation of course, but you can do it subtly – make it sound like part of a conversation).
The point is, you want to get past seeing the ‘eyes’ and find the human or the INHUMANE inside of the guy. You want to know if this is relationship material or not. If he is “NOT” then don’t make yourself available to this person. Cut the cord and get away from him. Don’t be afraid of being lonely or heart-sore for a while. It will save you being abused and beaten for months or years ahead.
This is a long read, I know – but you need to learn how to avoid GBV. (There is no real help coming soon – see lower down).
Take care girlfriends, not all guys are Angels – and frogs do not turn into Princes.
Wait for the right guy, he is usually that one in a thousand. Understand this, you do not have to suffer through 999 guys. Ask the right questions on the first two occasions and bow out if you know he is not for you. Do not hang out with him in the hope of finding some good in him. It will do you no good.
Faithfully your friend,
1) Violence against women is firmly entrenched in South Africa, and it does not appear to be changing. Rather, violence has become an accepted way to assert and reassert masculinity and dominance.
2) Civil Society Organisations:- have a duty to see to it that legislation and policies on violence against women are enforced. They are supposed to engage with men on the issue of masculinity, misguided cultural and religious beliefs and practices. They are to condemn government leaders who speak and act in ways that enforce gender inequality and the marginalization of women.
3) They, in turn, blame the Government, saying; “This requires a strong, united, multi-level response from both government together with civil society organisations.”
4) So while one seems to wait on the other and no one is moving, nothing is happening. If we as teens refuse to take charge of what happens to us, we will simply become another statistic.
5) So, while women are hoping that someone is busy doing something about Gender-based violence (GBV) it appears that there is no one watching your back after all. Women will continue to suffer as a result.
6) Many civil society organisations have become over-reliant on government funding for their programming. This is particularly the case because government has outsourced much of its violence against women service responses. Such reliance on government inhibits the ability of civil society organisations to be critical of the same government. Government does not oversee the work done, therefore no one is held accountable for specific programs or outcomes. (Info from GBV sites).