“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” Vin Diesel

          Does it matter what other Teens think of you?

Yes it does on one level – because you can be guaranteed (in our Teen-world) that it won’t remain a thought for long before it is verbalised. That’s actually cool because then it is easier for you to deal with it. If it can be seen as constructive you can accept it and if it is not you can reject it. If it is spiteful or malicious you can deal with it by way of confrontation or ignore it.

If you get a lot of negative feedback from other Teens, it becomes necessary to ask for the opinions from people who know you well. It could be that you are creating a negative energy around you due to your own insecurity and it won’t help if you stay in denial. If we don’t learn how to accept constructive criticism we will always think of ourselves as the ‘good guy’ and everyone else are the bad guys.

Take a deep look at the facts as they present themselves. If some people like you as a person and others don’t, that’s fair. Not everyone is going to like us or get on with us. Some Teens are insecure in themselves which results in having to find fault with others to feel better about them-selves. These are the bullies or the teasers who have worse insecurities than you. The bottom line is if it is factual you can deal with it, one way or another, in the physical world.

But I am going to assume that this question is more about perception rather than fact.  Anyone can deal with facts but perception is more insidious as it has the potential for self-induced peer pressure.

A lot of our perceptions are unfounded. If someone gives you a look of disapproval, was it meant that way or did you take it up the wrong way? Sometimes the villains are only in our own minds.

If you are over-sensitive to what others think of you, you will become indecisive about every little thing and you will become easy to manipulate. If you can maintain some perspective, you could use this to your advantage.

Remember that insecurity is one of the elements of a low self-esteem and a low self-esteem is often the result of perceptions rather than facts. How do I get there? Well, if it was a fact you would be angry, right? You’d speak out and defend yourself. Whereas when it is a perception it usually creates hurt or anxiety. You can only explain what you perceived and that is not a good enough argument because it lacks facts.

So to get over your ultimate concern about what others think of you, here are some things you can start working on to lessen your concerns in real life.

  • Learn to laugh at the person criticising you and keep your humour. You can say “ You guys have some serious insecurity issues.” Keep it light and they are likely to go home and think about what you said………..You have passed the buck back.
  • If there are any lessons to be learnt from what they said, learn them and leave. Do not become obsessive about it.
  • Ignore jerks and egomaniacs. They are obvious enough.
  • Avoid the jealous and devious ones once you recognise them.
  • Be wary of praise too. Being overly grateful for good feedback is as dangerous as being over-sensitive to criticism.
  • If you are easily influenced by others, you need to develop your own character by focussing on what you are good at.
  • Do you have strong enough goals or are you still asking others what they want you to do – or think you should do?
  • If you had a debate team and had the opportunity to put questions to a villain, what would those questions be?
  • Then act the part of the villain, how would you answer the questions? Hmmm?

 As  James VD Beek states so clearly  “I think anybody with an insecurity (which is everyone) appreciates the fact that it is much easier to be the Predator than it is to be the Prey.” 


Faithfully your friend,



“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” Dalai Lama


“Insecurity is just something that’s there all the time. I’ve never been crippled by it.” Catherine Keener



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