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Self-esteem

Blooming Time. A time to feel special.

In my book “Blooming Time” we discuss issues of self-esteem and the impact it has on us girls if we don’t understand the building blocks to a healthy self-esteem during our development years.

Although there are outside influences which will seek to burst your bubble and try and keep you small, pay them little attention.

The biggest obstacle to a healthy self-esteem is in your own beautiful head. The self-talk that you have going round and round.
You know what I am talking about?
This usually happens when you compare yourself to others and find yourself coming up short. We all do that at some point or another.

Self-criticism or “OVER”-self-analysis is not a good thing. How do you find value in yourself? By listing all your good points.
Here are some tips to monitor your self-growth.

1) Get a notebook and pen and start recording what you see in your mirror (write it down). List everything about your physical appearance that you are happy about. If you have good teeth, start showing that off by learning how to smile broadly. Practice this in the mirror. If your teeth are not one of your better assets, learn to smile in a way that will conceal most of what you perceive should be concealed. With practice, you will get it right.

Next, list things like eyes and eyebrows, cheekbones, nose, neck, etc. These are all features which, when you analyze them independently, you will appreciate them more. The fact that you have eyes that can see, is good enough reason to consider them an asset. If you find them too close together or too far apart, is not as important as the fact that you can see. Listing your assets is more important than listing your perceived faults.

2) If you have unruly hair, practice the various ways in which you can style your hair that suits your face shape best. If your face is narrow,or oval shaped, certain styles will enhance your natural profile. If your face is round or square shaped, other styles will be more suitable. Hair is very important to all girls and it is something that we can change for the better. Write down your face shape and which styles you think is more flattering than others.

3) Whatever your body type, you will find some things you can appreciate. You may have fairly decent legs or an attractive waistline. You may have a big bone structure which will determine your overall size. Listing the positive points will help you determine what to do next. If you are very overweight, you may want to watch what and how much you eat. Maybe you have a sweet tooth that you need to tame or you may have a medical condition (like an under-active Thyroid) that needs medical attention.

5) Your choice of clothing should never come from the influence of fashion magazines, but rather what is best suited to your body type. For example, if you have a large torso, a loose-fitting top will be more flattering than a tight fitting top. Play around with your wardrobe and see which items of clothing compliment your body type best.

6) Look at your legs, feet, arms and hands. do you spend time on your feet to keep them looking groomed? Do you keep your fingernails in check? If you wear nail varnish occasionally, be sure to remove the varnish as soon as it shows signs of chipping or wearing. Your hands are always in view and is one of your assets.

7) Now that you have a list of physical “assets,” let’s take a look inside your head. What thoughts do you have going round and round? Are they thoughts of self-criticism? Are they thoughts of comparison about someone you perceive as prettier than you?
Every 30 minutes or so, ask yourself this question.

WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT?

This is going to give you surprising insights into your mind.
Write down the things you were thinking about for a period of one week. At the end of that week, see how many times you were thinking critical thoughts about yourself (or others) and how many times you compared yourself to others (even their situations in comparison to yours.)

This is a most revealing exercise as you will see. It will clearly show you how much time you may have wasted on useless thinking.
To get your mind on your side, start doing the following:-

Start feeling happy (inside) for no reason at all, until your face lights up. Your girlfriends might ask what secret you are keeping from them. Happiness cannot be hidden. Next, start thinking about how well you did in a specific test and how good you felt. When someone paid you a compliment or your parents thanked you for cleaning the house, how did it make you feel? Duplicate that feeling in your mind.

Cultivating kind thoughts of yourself takes a bit of work, whereas condemning thoughts about yourself seem to arrive randomly and without any effort on your part. Feed your mind with positive and loving thoughts about yourself.

If you have any questions about this post, please feel free to ask them in the comment section. We can look at future posts answering specific questions that will benefit our readers.

Faithfully your friend,
Thandi

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